*WelCoMe 2 diS Li| SpaCe Of mInE!*
oh.. i stop blogging for 2 weeks bcoz i've been kind of busy lately, and lazy as well.. hehe..
i'm happy i met new friends in college.. funny funny friends like cy, mayboh, and jia ming dey all.. cy, if u happen to read my blog, see la, i so good geh, talk bout u.. lol..
ok, em, last friday, i bang some1's car due to my curiousness.. i dont have a licence, and i get into my bf's car, step on the pedal and 'BANG'.. wth..^%^!$$#%$#..
y la? i step the pedal little bit only ah, the car moves so fast, go and fly infront..
so scary, my leg is shaking at tat time.. i am not goin to drive!! not now i mean.. nightmare..
i am sorry 4 banging ur car.. u seems unhappy..
and after u went home.. i knew everything..
u betray me..u do not think of the consequences b4 u do it.. u did not think of my feelings..
at that moment, u totally 4got tat i am ur gf.. u dont even wanna mention bout me..
bcoz i am nth 2 u.. u will nvr know how hurt is my feeling..
u tell me u regret.. but i don feel like trusting u anymore.. u make me very tired..
u make me feel that i am so stupid.. i trust u b4 this, i nvr check or control u.. i let u chat with any girl, as long as u r happy.. i dont mind.. but u go overboard..
i need some fresh air.. i dont want u in my life, at this moment..
bcoz u lie to me again and again.. u never wan to admit.. u still wanna lie..
such little things, u also lie.. i cant take it anymore.. cant..
i dont wanna listen to u.. i just hate the way u talk, promising this and that.. and at last, lie to me again.. i hate u..
i have this weird feeling..
i know there isnt a way to get there..
plz stop me from moving any forward..
do i have something to blog about? well, actually yes.. but i dont know how 2 start..
ok, watch charlie chaplin's 'The City Of Lights'.. funny.. bla bla bla.. dis not wat i wanna talk about..
we humans do have crush on ppl easily even we are dating, or married..
i mean, even u have bf/gf, u still hv little crush on ppl sometimes..
its not love, but that special kind of funny feelings.. ever felt b4?
like u will purposely walk the other way just to bump into ur crush..
when u will take a peep and laugh to yourself.. when ur crush talks to u, and u will be damn freaking happy.. and all da funny funny stuff..
and when u find out ur crush has a bf/gf.. lol... then mai ur heart is crush lo..
u will get moody.. 'how come la, y got gf/bf 1... yor'
dis wat i experience last time.. and.. mayb now.. blek..
nola, little crush only, not a big deal.. nvm..
i'm almost late 4 my class 2day.. stupid kok wai.. =P
seems like its been quite some days i didnt 'really' update my blog..
a little busy with my studies..
i kind of like college life.. but, i have to find the notes n print it myself..
everything also by myself.. no more spoon feeding.. sob..
but that is what make me independent.. not a bad thing though..
film arts & appreciation.. 1 of my sub..
i kind of like the lecturer.. he is cute n funny.. everything is nice..
and he gave us an assignment today..
is to watch 'The Da Vinci Code'.. and then write a journal bout it..
omg.. i will definitely not goin to watch this if i'm not force to..
i mean, i prefer comedy and cartoons.. but i have to watchg it...
tired and boring..
study study study..
class at 8 o'clock.. film arts.. the lecturer let us watch his films, his products.. all 4 of them.. its hard to understand what he is trying to say thru his films actually.. after he explains, i understand it.. i guess i need to watch 2-3 times more to really understand the whole thing..
after tat me, shaun, weng kee, and ee cheeng went to klcc and watch MI3.. a movie tat worth paying.. well, i don really hv da mood 2 talk all da rubbish..
he promise me to give me 2 weeks time and go out wif k.w n stuff lidat..
i can see tat he is very hurt.. i feel bad.. i can see the pain in ur eyes.. i don think i worth all the pain.. bcoz of me, u lost a chance goin 2 oversea n study.. bcoz of me u get scolded by ur parents..
bcoz of me, u r so hurt and sad.. i never appreciate u.. i always feel that u r annoying.. i always hate the way u talk.. i almost hate everything..
but until yesterday, when u don joke with me anymore.. when u don annoys me anymore..
when u don look into my eyes anymore.. i feel the pain in my heart.. i feel as if u don like me anymore, don like me in the way that u hate my attitude, u hate the way i treat u.. but u tell me u r juz moody.. b4 u go home, i hug u.. i'm crying and u hug me.. i feel as if u r protecting me from something.. i don wanna let go u when u wanna go home..
there is always alot of girls after u.. smile to u when u are walking pasar malam.. gave u their numbers when u are working.. girls flirting wif u, and stuff like that..
it doesnt bother me, really.. i always thought tat u will never leave.. i have too much confidence..
but actually, u will leave me anytime.. don treat me too good.. scold me, make me cry.. make me feel that u will leave me.. so tat i will appreciate u..
the problem is solve.. i ask him edi.. n i dont think he is really the 1 i need, and i'm not the 1 he need either.. me andhim, are juz not meant to be together, no matter how.. the 1 is in his heart will only be his ex-gf.. even if we really get 2gether, i don think there will be any happiness between us.. and the 1 i truly love, will only be u..
even if i like him? i guess is juz abit of feeling.. n i don wanna think bout it now..
me n him, will only stay like that, friends.. not more than tat, coz i don wan tat 2 happen..
me n u? i wan things to chnage between us.. in a good way i mean.. try to make me love u more.. try 2 make me feel i need u alot.. and i don need that 2 weeks anymore..
after few days goin to college, i see the big differences.. it is indeed very free studying in college..
and i can feel that i like goin to college more and more..
there is something bugging me.. u r too good to me.. i dare not let u go.. i'm afraid i might regret and cant find any1 like u who really treat me so good.. mayb u r the only 1 who can stand my stuborness.. mayb u r the only 1 who will let me scold till like ^%^&%&$... i know u love me alot.. till no words can describe.. i'm very selfish.. i know that.. its unfair treating u this way.. i want u to follow my way.. i want u to do as i want..
i want u not to get jealous when i'm with him.. i want u to let me be with him.. i'm selfish, i want both.. but when one day u really let me be with him n not getting angry n jealous.. i'm sure i will feel that u don care bout me anymore..
its suffer being my bf.. u cant feel the safety.. and i know i cant give u that..
i dont want the whole thing to repeat again..
u treat me too good, and i feel as if u wont go away and leave me alone.. n mayb becoz of that, i'm not afraid.. i dont know what will happen in the future..
honestly, i really still like him.. like.. ok? i'm confuse.. very very confuse..
leave u? i dare not.. but sometimes, i cant feel the sparks anymore, sparks that we have last time.. i feel very bad..
i'm not a good gf.. i know..
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